I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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