You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
