The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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