i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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