I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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