Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
