I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
