I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
