My first STD was from a foam party
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
