My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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