I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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