These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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