Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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