i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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