Your face is a jimmy john
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
