is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
