he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
