im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
