After last night, I could never be a politician.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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