Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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