Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
