Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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