There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
