yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
