In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
