He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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