Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
