I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
