I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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