I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
