so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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