Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
