They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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