Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
