I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize