If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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