there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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