he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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