I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
