sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
