I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
