I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
