I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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