I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
