Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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