I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
