I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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