i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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