you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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