I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
