so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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