That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
