I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
