I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
