She announced her abortion via fbk
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
