...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
