I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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