He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
so much tequila, so little girl.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
