Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
