His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
