i permit you to call me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
