So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
