I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
