I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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