Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
