Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
