Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
