i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
