I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
