She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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