He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
