my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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