I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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