I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm currently drunk proofing my room