Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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