well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
