I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
