Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
