She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand