there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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