put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?