Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.