The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?