if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2