Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
