Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
