so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there was a trapeze. enough said
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
