I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
