ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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