Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
