Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
