I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
